Trust and Love
by Windmere
Summary: A Snape romance in his school days, in his POV.


Trust and Love

A/N: This is from Snape's POV during his 7th year at Hogwarts.

Disclaimer: No one but Sairra and Margaret belong to me. Everybody else belongs to J.K. Rowling.

You know, I'd never admit to anyone that I've been in love. Not with my history and background. In my first year, I knew more about the Dark Arts than half of the people in seventh year. Then, in later years, I became a Death Eater. With Voldemort.

I don't really know why I did it. Perhaps it was the fact that I was fascinated by the Dark arts. I shudder to think about it now. That is, not in front of anyone. Everyone in my Hogwarts gang became Death Eaters. I guess I wasn't paying much attention to life at that time.

Before I knew it, I was branded and I was working for Voldemort, the most powerful Dark wizard in the history of the world. It was only after some very excruciating times that I came to my senses and turned to help Dumbledore.

But I guess I was preoccupied by the prettiest girl in our grade (to me, at least). Of course James Potter had Lily, the extremely gorgeous redhead in Gryffindor. The girl I liked wasn't in Gryffindor, no. I wasn't going that far across the imaginary lines set for us.

And, just to ruin it, Remus Lupin liked her too. Maybe in a quieter way than I did, but she seemed to be favoring him, at least at one point. I hated them, all of them. Most of all James. I'll never admit that I was jealous. He had everything. So does Harry. Potter, as he's known to me.

Sairra was her name. She had wavy dark hair down to the middle of her back and the prettiest blue eyes I've ever seen. She had a laugh like a bell and the most beautiful smile. Even now it pains me to think about her.

She was a Ravenclaw, the smartest in many of our classes. Sairra was considered popular, and many people followed her everywhere. It was somewhat natural, as she seemed to be flawless. It blinded me.

But, after all my rambling, here's my story (and hers as well, I suppose).

Sairra laughed clearly as tossed her hair over her shoulder as she walked beside Remus Lupin. He smiled affectionately at her and glanced over his shoulder. Seeing that there was no one around, he slipped his hand into hers.

She didn't pull back. I bared my teeth and turned away, ignoring the fire burning behind my eyes and the lump in my throat that refused to go away. I ran my hand through my black hair, an automatic move that sometimes brought me back to my senses.

"Remus?" said Sairra. Lupin turned as his eyes glowed with strong warmth and love. She smiled back tenderly. "The Quidditch game is on Thursday. Do you want to sit together?"

"Yes! That would be perfect," breathed Lupin. He grinned as Sairra waved a goodbye and disappeared.

"Got a date, Remus?" said another voice. I couldn't see his face, but I knew that voice anywhere. Sirius Black.

I peeked through a gap in the leaves of the tree I was hiding in. Lupin was blushing as he nodded. I noticed James behind Black, grinning playfully at his friend.

"Yeah," muttered Remus, walking away. Black and Potter followed him. I felt my upper lip curling at the sight. A date with the girl I wanted.

I saw Sairra and Lupin the next day at the Quidditch match. It was Gryffindor versus Slytherin, so I couldn't have sat with her anyway. She was supporting Gryffindor, and mewell, obviously Slytherin. James Potter was the Seeker for the Gryffindor team, but I wasn't really paying attention.

Sairra was chatting quietly to Lupin at intervals during the game. He looked fascinated by her. She looked very interested in the game, cheering loudly when Potter finally caught the Snitch.

I sighed angrily. Why did Gryffindor always have to win? Sairra and Lupin were walking down, talking nonstop to each other. I sighed again.

Potter, Black, and Lupin were walking up to the castle late that night. I knew, somehow, that they had been doing something that they weren't supposed to be doing. But then again, they nearly always did that.

I could hear them discussing something - something I wanted to hear about. I leaned forward and listened intently.

" - dance. You know who you're going to take, Sirius?" asked James Potter. I peered down with interest, watching Black pause before nodding very slightly.

"Well, I don't know who I'm taking - I mean, I haven't asked her. I know who I'd like to take, though." Sirius moved ahead quickly.

"Who's that, Sirius?" asked Lupin teasingly.

I couldn't hear who he said; he was speaking in a very low voice. I wanted to know who Lupin was taking. I already knew who Potter was bringing - Lily. But if Lupin was bringing Sairra

I flexed my fingers angrily without even noticing. I hadn't even heard that there was going to be a dance yet. That was probably what they were off doing. Finding out.

I swore softly. Lupin had just finished telling the rest of the gang who he was bringing, and I hadn't been listening. Lupin turned and looked directly at the spot where I was. I had an uneasy feeling that he was very good at finding people even when they didn't want to be found.

But, eventually, Lupin turned away and trudged up after Potter and Black up to the school.

Sairra was going with Lupin. I felt like I couldn't bear it anymore, and I felt myself hardening against Lupin whenever I passed him in the halls. Now that I think back, I know he was courteous and even tried to be nice, but I hated him all the same.

When I passed Sairra, she smiled warmly at me, but I just nodded jerkily at her. She was going with one of my enemies. It was the low point of my life, I think.

"Severus!" One of my friends, Evan Rosier, ran up and grinned rather breathlessly. 

"Yeah?" I snapped, sounding more annoyed than I had intended. He gave me one quizzical look before ignoring what I had said.

"You got a date for the dance? I'm bringing Iris Lynders," he said with a smile. I smiled weakly back at him and shook my head sadly.

"No. Lupin's taking with Sairra," I sighed, feeling my fingers tensing automatically.

"Oh," said Evan, his spirits dampened slightly. But he couldn't seem to stop smiling, so I just walked away.

During Transfiguration, which I had with the Ravenclaws, I couldn't keep myself from staring at Sairra. She was twirling a strand of hair absentmindedly around her finger and gazing mysteriously at the walls, her blue eyes wandering from face to face.

When she caught my eyes, I felt myself blushing furiously, but she smiled at me and I grinned back at her, forgetting temporarily that she was going to the dance with Lupin.

"Snape!" I jumped and turned to look sheepishly at Professor McGonagall. She was very stern looking at that moment, so I muttered an apology and kept my head down for the rest of the lesson.

The night of the dance crept up on me quickly. I tried my best to look good, although I still wore the usual black dress robes. I swallowed nervously as I entered the Great Hall. It was covered in immaculate decorations, and Dumbledore was standing at the High Table, his hands raised and a twinkle in his eye.

"Hey," I whispered to Evan Rosier, but suddenly I trailed off.

She was dressed in shimmering silver robes and her hair was curled slightly at the edges. Her eyes were sparkling and she was downright beautiful. Mine wasn't the only head that turned as she waltzed in beside Lupin.

"Hi," she murmured to me as she passed. I closed my eyes for a moment before muttering something back.

"Severus!" From behind me, there came the voice of my date. She was, unbelievably, the most popular Slytherin girl, and the best looking too. Margaret Thanders.

Margaret was beautiful, too, but there was something missing about her. I had only asked her because I was trying to play hard to get. I wasn't sure how well that would work.

"Hi, Margaret," I muttered, taking her arm and leading her in. Dumbledore said something that I didn't really hear because I was staring at Sairra and Lupin.

They were holding each other's hands and looking straight into each other's eyes. I felt hatred welling up in my chest and I felt like I was suffocating. She was gorgeous as she smiled back into Lupin's eyes.

"Are you going to ask me to dance?" pouted Margaret.

"Sure," I said quietly, letting her steer me while I looked over her shoulder at Sairra and Lupin. Sairra never once took her eyes from his and they moved with a very magical quality.

The song died down and I released Margaret who glared at me and went off to find a more satisfactory partner.

My breath caught in my throat as I watched Sairra and Lupin. She leaned forward and they kissed lightly, drawing back a moment later. Lupin was grinning uncontrollably and Sairra was looking satisfied and as pretty as ever.

I turned away, my heart beating very fast. I turned down a girl who asked me to dance and sunk down in a corner, dropping my head onto my knees.

The dance seemed to last forever and it seemed like Lupin and Sairra danced every dance together. But, when it did end, I hurried out of the Great Hall and sought out an empty classroom with an enormous pile of books.

I blinked away the blurring moisture in my eyes and rubbed them hard, staring down at the book in front of me with determination. I wasn't going to go to sleep. It wouldn't work anyway - I'd just have nightmares.

"Severus?" There was a voice from the door. I turned slowly in the chair and found that I was facing complete darkness. I was reading by the light cast by my wand, and other than that, I was in utter darkness.

"Severus?" whispered the voice again. Suddenly I recognized it and picked up my wand hurriedly, swinging around the room.

Sairra was still in her dress robes from that evening. A couple of her hairs had escaped from their position and were framing her face beautifully. I breathed in sharply.

"Severus," she said again, very softly. She sighed and finally looked up into my eyes. I blushed, even in the darkness. "It's three in the morning."

"So?" I said in determination. I wasn't going to cave. "I don't care."

She smiled, almost wistfully. "Come on. Soften your heart. Don't even try to pretend that you've never loved anyone. I know your heart beats faster. I know that you hide warmth behind those cold black eyes."

I had to bite back a retort. This was the girl I was in love with. I turned away and went back to reading - well, at least pretending to read.

She approached softly and laid a hand on my shoulder. I shifted away from her touch, but she bent over my shoulder. There was a crystal tear in her eye.

She swallowed before starting. "And I also know that," she whispered, brushing a finger against his cheek, "I felt something very powerful between us tonight." Sairra dropped her finger and I stopped resisting, placing a hand to her cheek and drawing her into a long, passionate kiss.

As Sairra drew back, she smiled fondly at me and traced a circle over my heart. I felt goosebumps run up my skin. "Trust and love," she murmured, flashing me a quick smile as she slipped through the crack of the door.

I knew that I could go to sleep now and have good dreams. Dreams of her soft and elegant fragrance, and her dark hair brushing against my cheeks, and her soft and heavenly lips as she kissed me.

"A Death Eater?" I asked, shaking. Evan Rosier nodded and grabbed my arm.

"C'mon. Let's go."

"All right," I said weakly. My mind with filled with a silvery fog and I couldn't rid my mind of that last image of Sairra. I hadn't seen her since.

Evan pulled me along a series of tunnels. I didn't really pay attention to where I was going. It was only when we pulled up in a sort of deserted clearing that I blinked and shook my head.

The clearing was empty except for one very tall and shadowy feeling at the end. He turned when he heard us and my breath caught in my throat. He had a flat, snake-like face and long red eyes that looked like slits of burning fire.

"My new Death Eaters," he hissed, looking pleased. He placed a long white hand on each of our shoulders and I felt a chill run through me as I looked back up at him.

There was a blinding flash of light and screamed in pain. My right forearm was burning in agony. When I pushed up the sleeve of my robe, I saw a black skull with a snake branded upon it. I swallowed and slowly let the robe drop back down.

I was going to work for Lord Voldemort.

She didn't look angry; in fact, she looked calm. But I saw in her a sort of fury that was burning so brightly behind her eyes that shouting couldn't express it.

"I won't lecture you on the what or the why of it," she began softly. "All I want to say is that, at one time, I thought you'd be different. Yes, you were a Slytherin, and yes, you were into the Dark arts," she sighed.

"Look, Sairra," I started, but she silenced me with a look and I suddenly felt much younger than her.

"I only have the two words of advice that I once gave to you. Never hate anyone, for there can always be some good inside their soul." At this she glanced quickly at the brightly smiling photograph of James Potter on the wall. "And," she whispered soulfully, "trust and love."

I attempted to speak again, but my throat didn't seem to want to work. She swept past me, pausing in the doorway. In that one moment, I thought she looked as elegant and beautiful as she had ever looked.

My breath caught in my throat. I hadn't known when my master had commanded me to make sure that Dumbledore was preoccupied for at least fifteen minutes on the south side of Hogwarts. I hadn't known the person he was murdering.

I hadn't known that Voldemort would destroy the person I loved most in the world. I hadn't known. That's all that I can say. I remember, so vividly, how I'd seen the cruel smile about his mouth and heard the words, "Now our path to the Potters is clear."

I don't want to think about it, but I know very well that those were the last words I ever wanted to hear from him. But, for all the damage and destruction that I had caused, I wanted to do something to make up for it. I wanted to make sure that Voldemort would die too, after what he had caused.

That was when I turned spy for Dumbledore. I don't know how I did it, but I somewhat adopted Voldemort's sneer. Perhaps I already had that in my blood, but he certainly intensified it.

I regret to say now that I buried Sairra's words under my thoughts of anger and hatred. I regret now that I forgot our conversation. Even now, the image of her that last night burns afresh in my mind and I have to close my eyes and have my breath come harsh and fast to forget it again.

I hate Harry Potter. I never wanted to say that I hated anyone after that last night with Sairra, but I say that now. I want to vow now that I won't hate him anymore - but I can't.

And suddenly, a brighter and clearer image of her glows in my mind's eye. She has a faint reddish glow about her like the tail of the sun, and she tells me again.

"Trust and love."

I'll try, Sairra, I really will. I'll try to trust and love again.

A/N: A Snape romance is a very, very, hard thing to write. It's hard to make him be in character and still be able to fall in love. Mine is far from perfect, but I tried my best to make it realistic.


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